Dear Diary,

Today, I Said Goodbye to a Boy I Never Met.

19.08.25 – 11:55 p.m.

You know how people say you can't miss what you never had? I don't think that's entirely true.

Today, I said goodbye to a boy I've never met.

Crazy, right? Well, here's the tea ☕

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A few months ago, I was going through WhatsApp statuses—which is funny because I hardly ever do—and one particular status caught my attention. Well... not the status. Him.

He was my friend's coursemate, and I remember thinking, "Wow... he's fine." I don't usually react that way, so I surprised myself when I found my thumb scrolling back to that same status. Once. Twice. Three times.

I had to text her, and my exact words were: "This your friend is fine. 🌚" She laughed, and I laughed too. But unlike her... I wasn't joking.

She told me they were just coursemates and offered to pass along my compliment. I told her to tell him I thought he was cute because, yes, it's not every day I see good-looking guys. In my head, I was probably going to regret it, but I thought to myself, "What's the harm in giving an honest compliment? If guys can compliment girls, why can't we do the same?" 🫠

She later told me he said my compliment had made his day, and it made me giggle. And although I'd never admit it out loud, a tiny part of me waited. Maybe he'd ask for my number. Maybe he'd tell her to say hi back to me. But nothing.

It had to be the atmosphere or something because, days later, I realised I was probably crushing on a guy I'd never met.

I knew it was silly, but I found myself texting my friend again—this time not even for a conversation, but because I wanted to talk about him.

So when I texted, I didn't ask how she was doing. I asked how my crush was doing, which is crazy now that I think about it.

It must've taken a while for her to clock it because it wasn't until today that she realised I was serious about him. And I guess it hurt a bit.

She said he probably didn't reach out because I wasn't a student in their college. Did that sting a little? Yes. But it also reminded me that sometimes, timing, distance, and circumstance quietly close doors before they ever have the chance to open.

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Well, you know what they say about crushes—they're affection without information.

Because the very first thing she said about him made me wash my hands off the whole thing. Obviously not because he's a bad person, but because he's someone I'm meant to be praying for, not dreaming about.

Plus, somewhere in the middle of that conversation, I had a eureka moment.

💡 I'm not ready for a relationship.

And I began to wonder why I'd allowed thoughts of him to linger when I already knew I wasn't ready to leave the market.

There's a version of pain that exists—not from hurt or heartbreak—but from the possibility of what could have been.

And that's why I'm writing this.

Because today, I said goodbye.

Not to someone I dated.

Not to someone I loved.

Not even to someone I knew.

I said goodbye to a possibility.

To a "what if." To the version of the story that only ever existed in my head.

It sounds ridiculous as I write it because how do you say goodbye to someone you've never even met?

Someone who doesn't know your name. Someone who has absolutely no idea you once daydreamed about them. Yet somehow... it still feels like a breakup. And it hurts just as much.

I may not be okay now, but someday I will. And I'll be patient with myself because these things take time.

Maybe someday I'll be strong enough to share this with the struggling girlies out there who are mourning a possibility, just like I am.

So this is goodbye...

To the boy who made me giggle like I was twelve.

Any thoughts? Share here 👇

Day 16 of 20.